Porfirio Lobo Sosa

Lobo who? You mean wolf? Oooh, I’m scared…
by: 
Rob Soutar

Yeah, just call him “Pepe.” He is 62 and president of Honduras. Chief of the Partido Nacional de Honduras, the wealthy wolf-man landed a convincing 56% majority share of the vote in elections held in November. Voter turnout was reported to be significantly higher than in the 2005 elections when Lobo lost out to socialist Manuel Zelaya.

Good for Pepe!

Ur, not quite. You see the problem is that Zelaya hadn’t actually finished his constitutionally mandated term. He was ousted by military coup in June last year.

But the elections were deemed free and fair right?

Well, er, yeh, by the observers that were there. But both the European Union and the Organization of American States refused to send any.

Mmm I see. Someone call in those international champions of democracy!

I’m afraid the US is otherwise engaged and anyway, the State Department has already recognized Lobo’s election as the denouement of a 'complicated' episode. Yes, that Nobel Peace Prize-winning ode to democracy, Barack Obama, seems satisfied with the conclusion. So yuhs better believe it. Luckily there is some sanity remaining in Latin America; Brazil, Argentina and Venezuela, among others, are not recognizing the elections. So some serious diplomacy is required from The Wolf.

Can he handle it?

He needs to get his own house in order before worrying about the neighbors. The 'Christian-Humanist' Lobo has called on Honduras’ youth as the key actors in creating a unified and prosperous nation. He has eleven cubs of his own to contribute to the national unification process, perhaps why he so au fait at connecting with the youth. He has a Facebook profile with a pack of five thousand friends!

Isn’t being on Facebook right up there with swimwear that may jeopardize your fertility on the embarrassing dad-ometer?

Hey, take a stab at your own U-tube-grinning weirdo, Gordon, before you start throwing insults! Anyway, if it increases youth participation it might go some way towards redressing of the considerable democratic deficit.

Call an OAS plenary session! Get a new article stating that the presidents of all member countries have Facebook pages written into the charter. And ban Speedos.

The only people who wear Speedos are those who have already had children or who are unlikely to procreate because of their sexual orientation.

That’s an awfully conservative generalization.

Excuse me…according to its website, the Partido Nacional de Honduras is committed to the common good of all human beings irrespective of race, social class, gender and political orientation.

You missed out sexual orientation…

The Partido Nacional de Honduras is the party of the Honduran people. It fights to “defend national sovereignty, to consolidate a participatory democracy and enforce social justice…to contribute to a world in which peace rules and human dignity, that which distinguishes us from other beings on this earth, is respected.”

Other beings such as lesbians, homosexuals and lycanthropes?

Alright, if you insist…according to the Partido Nacional de Honduras “globalization has exposed Honduras to behavior that runs contrary to the nuclear family values that it deems sacrosanct”. To put it bluntly, homosexuality is apparently on a par with alcoholism, drug abuse, exploitation of women and pornography. Pepe’s no werewolf, just a raving homophobe (although there is something quite bewitching about his grinning overbite)

Must be molar powered.

Enough.